Those memories now are just a big bufoon sex party

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why can't I hurt myself?

I don't understand why can't I hurt myself? I'm still doing it in a safe level. I only cut myself on my left hand and it's not even that deep. Just enough to see it bleed. I even stop doing it once my left hand is too full and I can't add any cut no more. Hitting something hard might make me feel good too. But too dangerous. If I broke my hand, what'll I do? Go to the hospital? DUH! And I'm sure it'll hurt like hell. Hahaha..I'm not looking for THAT kind of hurt. Just seepish, tiny, little pain..searing..woah! After I'm done, I always use the alcohol. Hahaha..I dont want to get any disease. You see..I don't hurt anyone by cutting myself. I don't even hurt ME. Instead I make myself feel better. I don't have to feel any pain again inside my chest. It'll be gone. I wish people understand that. I'm not kidding when I say it hurt much more inside my chest.
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Fuck your feelings

 What about mine? WHY AM I ALWAYS BE THE ONE THAT HAS TO KEEP MY CALM? WHY AM I ALWAYS BE THE ONE THAT HAS TO CARE ABOUT OTHERS FEELING? WHY AM I ALWAYS BE THE ONE THAT HAS TO SUFFER IN SILENCE? WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM? FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU ALL AND YOUR FUCKING FEELINGS. HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO HEAL IF THIS KEEPS ON HAPPENING?? ITS JUST ONE SCAR AFTER ANOTHER   The irony of me stopping myself slicing my own hand because there is no more space to mark. Who would've thought that my heart has more space to rest my scars than my fucking skin. 
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True friends stab you in the front

The battle is real. And maybe she won. Or maybe the pills did. I dont know. But at least I could control my rage. Oh the names and words I want to use. To just start pointing my finger to their faces and just yell MOTHERFUCKER YOU FUCKING PSYCHO.  What a fake bitch. Acting like they care and listen and the moment when it all matters, they fucking run and make some stupid fucking excuses. Yes, stupid excuses. What a bunch of spineless little rodents.  No, no, they dont deserve my hands wrapped around their neck. Wont even touch them with my toe. I'd love to see the lights slowly fade from their beady eyes but selfish cowards deserves their own worst nightmares.  Go on. Keep making up your own dream world. And if you choose that to be your reality, that's your own fucked up decision. And I fucking hope you're trapped in it Fucking selfish cunts.
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