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I have weakness but I will not let you weaponize it

Stupid, lazy, no preserverence, arrogant, inconsiderate, heedless, liar, selfish, no self awareness and just so busy thinking about yourself all the time that you cant grow and you cant get your head out of your ass.You only hear those conceited things in your head, that you dont listen what other people tell you what the fuck is wrong with you. People change when they want to. With great effort, no doubt. But you know you dont want to and you cry about the littlest things when you have so many things that other people would kill to have just for a night. When you get criticized, you think other people dont know shit about you. But when you criticized other people, you expect them not to react like how you have. Imagine thinking constantly about "but Ive given you so and so?" instead of "they have given me their so and so!" What a conceited piece of crap 

Let me go

 Sometimes I do wish I don't have people who cared for me and just let me go. So I don't have to keep fighting and live in this constant struggle of depression and heightened emotion. What do I get from it? Wisdom? For who? Strength to keep being alive in constant agony?

True friends stab you in the front

The battle is real. And maybe she won. Or maybe the pills did. I dont know. But at least I could control my rage. Oh the names and words I want to use. To just start pointing my finger to their faces and just yell MOTHERFUCKER YOU FUCKING PSYCHO.  What a fake bitch. Acting like they care and listen and the moment when it all matters, they fucking run and make some stupid fucking excuses. Yes, stupid excuses. What a bunch of spineless little rodents.  No, no, they dont deserve my hands wrapped around their neck. Wont even touch them with my toe. I'd love to see the lights slowly fade from their beady eyes but selfish cowards deserves their own worst nightmares.  Go on. Keep making up your own dream world. And if you choose that to be your reality, that's your own fucked up decision. And I fucking hope you're trapped in it Fucking selfish cunts.

Even when I'm happy

 I want to die. I want to scream. I'm tired.

Fuck your feelings

 What about mine? WHY AM I ALWAYS BE THE ONE THAT HAS TO KEEP MY CALM? WHY AM I ALWAYS BE THE ONE THAT HAS TO CARE ABOUT OTHERS FEELING? WHY AM I ALWAYS BE THE ONE THAT HAS TO SUFFER IN SILENCE? WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM? FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU ALL AND YOUR FUCKING FEELINGS. HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO HEAL IF THIS KEEPS ON HAPPENING?? ITS JUST ONE SCAR AFTER ANOTHER   The irony of me stopping myself slicing my own hand because there is no more space to mark. Who would've thought that my heart has more space to rest my scars than my fucking skin. 

I want to just go to a hill somewhere, hide myself and sleep

I'm reminded again and again why feelings suck and why I avoid it at all cost. I hate it. I hate being the problem. Can everyone just stop.

Something I said to a friend

I've been living with fear . Now I'm making a step forward and its scary as shit . But I'm willing to get hurt again , whatever that means . Even if that means I'm exposing myself to suicidal thoughts again lol Because if I really want to die and I'm not afraid to die, this is it. I'm stepping forward . One at a time .