Noel's Nitemare

I want to rip my heart out. Throw it on the floor. Stomp on it. Beat it. Cut it. Stab it. I want it to stop working. Please. Please make it stop.

I guess there are several types of hitting rock bottom and even then, we'll find new layers that act as a "rock bottom" just to be crushed and we find new layers below it.  I thought I had it years ago when I woke up with a horrible hangover, in bed with my best friend and having the room looking like the trash island. But nope, I learn that hitting rock bottom can happen again and again in different ways. Like when I woke up with horrible hangover that I feel like I want to die (Yes, I associate a lot of my "rock bottom" situation with drinking). The thing is, I don't get hangover even after a whole night of drinking shots and various alcoholic beverages. So that means I literally passed my awesome high limit of alcohol tolerance when I got that hangover.  Or when I can't even put up a mask and lie that I'm okay. That I'm so sick of answering questions of "How are you?" from people. That my "running away" is