Noel's Nitemare

Last night my mom had a breakdown. She cried all over the floor and while clutching her chest she said, “it hurts..it hurts”. I dont understand it at first, if it is physicall or emotional. I know that before, I heard she and my brother was yelling at each other. What did I feel? I feel annoyed. Why the hell is she crying for what my brother did? She is so stupid. She’s only hurting herself by crying and feeling angry. Oh I really hated her last night. I didn’t want to touch her. She looks really disgusting with tears flowing down her cheeks. She look so weak. I hate her for looking so weak. I hate weak people. But then she asked for balm. I only gave the balm in a distance. The thought of scrubbing the balm on her boddy disgust me. Then she asked for my help. I can't say no. I was trying soooo haaarrddd to look like I care. I tried to make a loving voice but it just came out stat. God knows I tried my best to control my emotion. I dont want her to be angry at me or hurt and then t

It’s goin to be only about time before I start cutting myself again. Today the only person that could make me hold on was trying a little bit too hard to hurt me. I could only hit the cupboard and then jammed my nail so hard to the back of my hand so I wont cry. I was so angry. I already got the permission, it’s only about the right time and equipment. I was going to use the scissor but then I remember that it is too dirty. My mind was wondering about the alcohol that could be used to clean it up, but I remember that it was already been thrown away. Since I got better, a lot of things that is pointy or sharp are not in my room anymore. I really did try to help myself. But I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. It hurts and I dont need to hold on anymore. I thought there were people who care, but I guess I found out the truth. No one cares. That means I can do anything that I want. But they will care if I die, especially if I die because of what they did to me. I’m gonna make them feel

Wanna beat up my brother till he's unconscious. Put him in a room and lock it. Let see if any of his friends could help him in time of need.