Noel's Nitemare

Sex is a game. I use it to make people like me. But some people use it as a weapon. To hurt her.

I feel like I want to hurt a girl's heart. A fragile one, so she would want to end her life.

I want to hurt my brother again. He needs to be slaped around again. Hit his head again against the wall. Maybe that will make him thinks clearly. there's still this guilt that I might be the one who makes him who he is right now. But if he's that fucked up, it shouldnt be all my fault. I crawled my way up all alone without having to be a jerk like him. I satisfty everyone around me. Nobody has to know I'm a monster. He's an idiot.

sometimes I missed being a jerk. Fuck and flirt anyone I want. Especially women. They are such a weak creature. All you have to do is to make them believe that we care about them. I write all of my adventure in the past with these women. Sometimes I came across it and it never failed to put a smile on my face. The sweet taste of victory when they're under me, powerless. Or above..thinking that they're the in control. Yes women, fuck me, you'll only taste me for an hour or two before I spit you out. I feel like an old man these days talking about his youth. When I was a stallion. A sex machine, hahaha...but what can I do now? I'm locked up in this little girl twisted head. She is fucking weak and I hate her.

Right now I am in my imaginary world. Taking a CD. Brake it in half. Use the sharp side to cut my skin deep. Slowly. 1, 2, 3, 4,......20, 21, 22 Until I can see a thick, dark, red blood flowing. Take a white small towel and wrap my hand up. It should stop the bleeding. Or not. Whatever. I'm getting weak now. I'm losing a lot of blood. Wow, it changes into red small towel. Where did the white small towel go? Ah, at least it'll help me sleep. My eyes are so heavy. Put my head in my pillow. It feels so right, right now. Time to go to sleep. Goodmorning. Don't wake me up. I can get up on my own.

The screaming is getting worst. It happens everyday. I'm trying to defend myself by locking myself inside my room and plug my ears with songs. I'm not a sissy. The only way I know is to scream back at them or hit them in the head. But I can't do that. Either way I'm a coward. They have to stop yelling at each other.

I could think of several things I could do to the people who bomb the Marriot and Ritz hotels today. I can blow up their limbs and let them live with only their heads intact. Or maybe I could just burn their limbs slowly till it riped red. Till their veins shows. But maybe that's not enough..let's torture their families. Starting with their wives, their mothers, and then their kids. I'll kill them all. I'll make those terrorist suffers. Oooohhh..I know! I'll cut out their tongue and ears too after they lost their limbs. That way they can't communicate with people. Hah! Let them communicate with THEIR GODS.