I live in this little girl head. I can't stay and occupied her world all the time. It's time for me to get out and play...
My heart breaks because my heart can't break
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My heart breaks because my heart can't break. Sometimes I get very troubled with how cold and empathetic I am. I never cried for myself. I don't know if I want to feel again or if this is for the best.
Still struggling. To live. The past month has been hell and I feel like I'm alone. I don't want her to come back because feeling pain that bad is the last thing we need. Not a single tear dropped since she's gone and that is a great achievement. Because the Paranoia is not going away. I can sense the dread just an inch away from my vein. It's there. Waiting for me to lose control and make me FEEL. But I won't let it. And the people that I'm looking for help to, are not capable of caring nor I have any trust left. These people don't wanna know how much pain or trouble they had made in our life. No one would care for a monster, I know that. But this monster was tame and sleeping most of the time. They shouldn't've woken me up. I was just annoyed not being in full control, but it was manageable. And now I feel empty and confused. I can't deal with live alone without her but right now she is a pandora that I don't want to open. I want to die
I dont think the cold inside would ever go away. I believed it once and now it turns out I never really abandoned it. Like a little ice cube inside my chest. It never melts away. Fire over fire burned it. It just never melt. Not even a crack. I can try to hide inside the warmth of the girl that I love or the person I put in public but it’ll all be a lie. It was all lie. I’m trying too hard to play all warm inside. You dont have an ice cube inside your chest and just decided one day to melt it away. It never work that way. No hopes will help me. I have to live with it. Being cold.
I think at least once in their lifetime, a girl should've kissed another girl. Just to know how it tastes. Pick the right one though. The one you like or the hottest. You'll missed out one hell of an experience if you haven't. You dont have to be gay. You're just experimenting. Me, myself, if I dont have a girlfriend already, I'd lure little girl and teach them how to kiss appropriately. Young girls, in school uniform, feeling insecure and not sure what to do..yummm...especially the androgynus one..
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