my mom had a breakdown
Last night my mom had a breakdown. She cried all over the floor and while clutching her chest she said, “it hurts..it hurts”. I dont understand it at first, if it is physicall or emotional. I know that before, I heard she and my brother was yelling at each other. What did I feel? I feel annoyed. Why the hell is she crying for what my brother did? She is so stupid. She’s only hurting herself by crying and feeling angry. Oh I really hated her last night. I didn’t want to touch her. She looks really disgusting with tears flowing down her cheeks. She look so weak. I hate her for looking so weak. I hate weak people.
But then she asked for balm. I only gave the balm in a distance. The thought of scrubbing the balm on her boddy disgust me. Then she asked for my help. I can't say no. I was trying soooo haaarrddd to look like I care. I tried to make a loving voice but it just came out stat. God knows I tried my best to control my emotion. I dont want her to be angry at me or hurt and then things would just gonna be worst.
After about an hour, I gave her a glass of water and asked her to go to bed. I told her that she would feel better if she lay down on the bed. The truth is I just wanna get out of her sight. I told her to close her eyes and pray. Only God who could make her strong. She did listened to me. I think I went soft because of it. I touch her hair, give a light stroke. And I knew it would just gonna make her cry again. She did. But my anger was gone. I feel sorry for her. She needs to be touched, to be loved. I have it from my girlfriend, but what about her? Who touch her when she needs one?
I feel weird that all that I do was just like a lesson from a textbook. What should I do when my mom is having a breakdown. I did it like a robot. Not because I care.
But then she asked for balm. I only gave the balm in a distance. The thought of scrubbing the balm on her boddy disgust me. Then she asked for my help. I can't say no. I was trying soooo haaarrddd to look like I care. I tried to make a loving voice but it just came out stat. God knows I tried my best to control my emotion. I dont want her to be angry at me or hurt and then things would just gonna be worst.
After about an hour, I gave her a glass of water and asked her to go to bed. I told her that she would feel better if she lay down on the bed. The truth is I just wanna get out of her sight. I told her to close her eyes and pray. Only God who could make her strong. She did listened to me. I think I went soft because of it. I touch her hair, give a light stroke. And I knew it would just gonna make her cry again. She did. But my anger was gone. I feel sorry for her. She needs to be touched, to be loved. I have it from my girlfriend, but what about her? Who touch her when she needs one?
I feel weird that all that I do was just like a lesson from a textbook. What should I do when my mom is having a breakdown. I did it like a robot. Not because I care.
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