NOT bipolar

Well, I'm NOT Bipolar that's for sure

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why can't I hurt myself?

I don't understand why can't I hurt myself? I'm still doing it in a safe level. I only cut myself on my left hand and it's not even that deep. Just enough to see it bleed. I even stop doing it once my left hand is too full and I can't add any cut no more. Hitting something hard might make me feel good too. But too dangerous. If I broke my hand, what'll I do? Go to the hospital? DUH! And I'm sure it'll hurt like hell. Hahaha..I'm not looking for THAT kind of hurt. Just seepish, tiny, little pain..searing..woah! After I'm done, I always use the alcohol. Hahaha..I dont want to get any disease. You see..I don't hurt anyone by cutting myself. I don't even hurt ME. Instead I make myself feel better. I don't have to feel any pain again inside my chest. It'll be gone. I wish people understand that. I'm not kidding when I say it hurt much more inside my chest.
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I have weakness but I will not let you weaponize it

Stupid, lazy, no preserverence, arrogant, inconsiderate, heedless, liar, selfish, no self awareness and just so busy thinking about yourself all the time that you cant grow and you cant get your head out of your ass.You only hear those conceited things in your head, that you dont listen what other people tell you what the fuck is wrong with you. People change when they want to. With great effort, no doubt. But you know you dont want to and you cry about the littlest things when you have so many things that other people would kill to have just for a night. When you get criticized, you think other people dont know shit about you. But when you criticized other people, you expect them not to react like how you have. Imagine thinking constantly about "but Ive given you so and so?" instead of "they have given me their so and so!" What a conceited piece of crap 
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Slowly but sure

We don't talk freely about it anymore because we change how we pursue it. We joke about it, dancing around the idea of dying young. But it's a clear message. We're doing it. We're killing ourselves slowly but sure. And it's okay. There is nothing anyone can do about this. It's too late. The deed is set in motion half way if not already on it's last act
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