I lost my anchor

Am I going to hit another low? Today I learn her fight is so weak that it was just basically courtesy. Yes I feel nauseous afterward but it was me finding out that she's almost completely gone. What's the fun on keep doing these things if she's gonna give all the control to me? Where is her responsibility?

I know what society deemed as right and wrong. I just don't care what society thinks. And if I don't feel bad, why should I pretend to feel bad?

Eh, I can hear her still trying to talk me out of it. A scared whisper. But she was never relevant to begin with.

This is the second (maybe third?) time I was mistaken to think that I have hit my low. That means it's probably will never stop. There is no "hitting bottom".

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