Just counting the days until you wil let me go

I love you. I love you with all that I have and everything that I don't. How do I move on? I love you and I hate myself everytime I admit it

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Let me go

 Sometimes I do wish I don't have people who cared for me and just let me go. So I don't have to keep fighting and live in this constant struggle of depression and heightened emotion. What do I get from it? Wisdom? For who? Strength to keep being alive in constant agony?
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True friends stab you in the front

The battle is real. And maybe she won. Or maybe the pills did. I dont know. But at least I could control my rage. Oh the names and words I want to use. To just start pointing my finger to their faces and just yell MOTHERFUCKER YOU FUCKING PSYCHO.  What a fake bitch. Acting like they care and listen and the moment when it all matters, they fucking run and make some stupid fucking excuses. Yes, stupid excuses. What a bunch of spineless little rodents.  No, no, they dont deserve my hands wrapped around their neck. Wont even touch them with my toe. I'd love to see the lights slowly fade from their beady eyes but selfish cowards deserves their own worst nightmares.  Go on. Keep making up your own dream world. And if you choose that to be your reality, that's your own fucked up decision. And I fucking hope you're trapped in it Fucking selfish cunts.
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04.10.19

I think I'm gonna do it tonight. It's been in my head for weeks. I haven't done it for probably more than three years. Because I never need it anymore. I am flat, but the pain in my chest never stop. I think she lie there and sleep. I've broken the tip of rusted razor blade so it's sharp again. I'll drench my arm and the blade with alcohol and I'll slide the blade along the inner arm. I'm thinking one long slit would have been enough, but my mind keeps pushing my imagination to just keep slashing. I'm harboring a lot of anger and who would be the perfect target than myself alone. Yes, I know there are people who hurt me to this extend. But they don't care and what's the point on dwelling on that. It's my fault that I was stupid enough to be treated like shit. Then I'll drink some vodka. Hoping it won't interfere with the blood clotting oh. I've been thinking on making a suicide note too. Just in case.  
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