Things are changing all the time

Well it's back to the old days now. She's putting me in charge for most of...activities. She's perfectly fine doing the mundane stuff. Like, breathing or putting a leash on my neck when I have no shame. So I'm more than happy to take care of the rest. Which is how we're suppose to function normally anyway. It's been working well for years until adult life dictate her that being an adult means she has to be vulnerable, honest and open and blah blah blah. Fuck those crap.

Look where it got us.

Some says three times a charm.

I'd say two were enough.

I mean, right now I'm completely content watching a naked body sleeping soundlessly on the bed in the dark. A body that I'm happy to enjoy just a couple of hours ago. One of several other faces that I become more than just familiar in the past months. Faces that don't really mind that I don't ask about their work in the end of the day, or if they have eaten regularly. Well, to some extent. Sometimes it slips. Because you can't have sex with an empty stomach or work fatigue. So you got to ask.

That right amount of affection to give and take either in between the sheets, sofas or phone calls.

She's not happy, of course. She's the one that puts that heavy feeling when these faces sometimes acting not as "mature" as they should be. When some lines are crossed and they make me feel like I'm the jerk.

Hey, we had a deal. So deal with it.

I don't appreciate the times when they feel like they own me. Or showing a hurt face when I say something cold. Or when she forced someone else's face in my mind as I'm knuckles deep inside someone.

Rude.

I'm completely capable of acting sweet and caring. They know this and then sometimes they get annoying when they want more.

Anyway, I don't want to go to the rant path right now. Where was I?

Ah. The naked sleeping body on the bed. What a sight. And the moonlight peeking from between the curtains. I just have to lean my head a bit to see the empty road 20 stories down.  It's always pleasant to think how things are changing all the time. Like how the road is mostly packed during the day or how noisy and full of people this apartment was last night. They're probably still outside the room, sprawling all over the place.

It's Saturday!

Cant help but wonder, are we a group of people that are wasting our youth times? I feel like sometimes we are more connected to other human being than most people in this sad, sad existence. Granted, I am way more guarded than these people. But I'm happy when they feel like they are connecting with me.

Not just sometimes being literally physically naked or grinding at each other shamelessly in front of other people who don't give a second glance to whatever we're doing, but also just being our true self. Again, granted, yes, I'm that one that doesn't really let go until half a bottle of something. But in the midst of this fake and cruel society, it's so refreshing. And kind. It's amazing how kind these people are. Sometimes I have to admit that I am a jerk.

Back when she reigned and felt amazing to connect and be open with just one other human being, underneath we never stop feeling like a useless burden and that was tiring like hell to fight back. I barely kept us alive. Now, I feel like things are slowly coming back to a familiar place. I can protect her without her value clouding my judgement.

That calming emptiness inside is a beautiful, beautiful gift