04.10.19

I think I'm gonna do it tonight. It's been in my head for weeks. I haven't done it for probably more than three years. Because I never need it anymore. I am flat, but the pain in my chest never stop. I think she lie there and sleep.
I've broken the tip of rusted razor blade so it's sharp again. I'll drench my arm and the blade with alcohol and I'll slide the blade along the inner arm. I'm thinking one long slit would have been enough, but my mind keeps pushing my imagination to just keep slashing. I'm harboring a lot of anger and who would be the perfect target than myself alone. Yes, I know there are people who hurt me to this extend. But they don't care and what's the point on dwelling on that. It's my fault that I was stupid enough to be treated like shit.

Then I'll drink some vodka. Hoping it won't interfere with the blood clotting

oh. I've been thinking on making a suicide note too. Just in case.  

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