16 November 2009
When people ask me about how I do or when I’m in a situation where I should tell my close friends about my family, my jaw gets hard. And then I cant think straight. I want to tell how miserable my house is, but its just too much and it goes waaaaaaaay back. And then I need to edit what information I should let loose right at that moment. A professional would spotted that trouble right away. And my friends are all a soon-to-be psychologits. Haha, how ironic is that.
It’s getting worst by the way. The yelling between my mom and my brother happens every damn day. Sometimes it scared the shit out of me. I just want to run and hide. I’d turn up the TV or my audio speaker. But then I can hear they start throwing things or banging the door. You can’t ignore those kind of sounds. It crawls through the wall. Then all kind of feelings would rained on me.. Angry, sad, confused, guilty....I don’t understand why it has such a big effect on me. I get so weak and cold. It’s like their yelling AT me.
The weirdest part is, I can still see my brother sleeping beside my mom. All cuddly like a baby. Where are those hatred go? I can’t even touch my mother because I hate her so much for being such an old hag. I think they’re as fucked up as I am. In a different form.
It’s getting worst by the way. The yelling between my mom and my brother happens every damn day. Sometimes it scared the shit out of me. I just want to run and hide. I’d turn up the TV or my audio speaker. But then I can hear they start throwing things or banging the door. You can’t ignore those kind of sounds. It crawls through the wall. Then all kind of feelings would rained on me.. Angry, sad, confused, guilty....I don’t understand why it has such a big effect on me. I get so weak and cold. It’s like their yelling AT me.
The weirdest part is, I can still see my brother sleeping beside my mom. All cuddly like a baby. Where are those hatred go? I can’t even touch my mother because I hate her so much for being such an old hag. I think they’re as fucked up as I am. In a different form.
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