Suicidal thoughts

I’m having suicidal thoughts again. That’s the common human terms. Coz mine is not like what other people usually have. I just want to dissapear into thin air. Without pain and without me having to do anything with it. An alien ship attack perhaps? and shoot me with rays of light and I just evaporate into nothingness. Of course the casual way of suicide occurs. Like hanging myself. But I dont have anything in my room that could be used as a place to hang me. Or pills and potions? I believe it’ll lead me to an incredible stomach ache before I die. I hate stomach ache. Sometimes cutting my veins looks like a great idea. Coz that’s my speciality. So I could leave a big mess in my own bed. They would find me drowning in my own pool of blood. That would leave everyone in a state of shock and they can't get rid of the image for the rest of their life. I hope they would feel guilty forever. But then that’s just stupid. If I do it to myself, then its my fault. Not anyone else.

I want to dissapear. I dont care about any achievement, success, or life goal anymore. I dont feel like I need to show anyone anymore what I’m capable of. I have achieve everything I could for my age. Good grades, good companion, good son. The good die young, they say. Get out while you’re still on top of the world.

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