Waiting and planning to do so

I'm planning to hurt myself, but I can't do it now. I was almost took a knife from the kitchen when I suddenly remembers that in a couple of week its goin to be my girlfriend's birthday. I can't show up with scars. It'll hurt her. I'll be ruining her day. Which if I'm not mistaken, she hates it already because of all the dramas that's always happens on her birthday.

When? Soon. It's not gonna be a necessary act anymore. It will be a show off. So the bitch will remember what lenght a person could do to show much how much they're hurt. I used to punished myself. I'm punishing the bitch now.
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