rock bottom

Nobody understand what state I'm in now. I hit rock bottom. I couldnt think. I dont have any motivation. I'm not even hungry. I would choose not to eat, but my healthy brain said that ulcer is a bitch. Though I tried to hurt myself yesterday by eating chilli at my breakfast and lunch. Coz I cant find any razor I could use to cut myself. I'm frustrated. Now that I need the knife, it's gone. It's fucking gone.

I'm goin crazy alone. I'm feeling alone. No one know how hurt it is. Sometimes I wish that I can replace this pain to someone else just for a day. So he/she knows. So people would stop underestimate how I feel.

I feel useless. I'm so tired of being positive. It doesnt change anything. I'm still hearing the same problem and screaming and banging. Nothing will change. I should stop trying. This is my line here. I have overstepped it.

I WILL CUT MYSELF. no more bargaining or logic thinking. it's useless. it's fucking useless.

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