Second attempt

Is this another sign? Come on...another failure..I'm an amateur again.

The swiss army knife suddenly show up on the floor beside my bed. I didn't see it yesterday. It took me some time to talk to the girl. To convinced her that it's time. Well, more like she's the one who tried to convinced me that it wouldn't do us any good. But I keep saying to her that I would be a coward if I dont do it. I promised myself. There's no other way. Everything is already too fucked up. I have no other way.
A long pause. Toying around with the knife's reflection..and then I slashed it over and over. but fuck! fuck! fuck! the so-called-knife isn't sharp enough either! Look what it did to my hand! fucking ugly. I hate it.
It doesn't make me feel better. Not like it used too. It's that girlfriend of her's fault. She made her think there are other way. That crying and telling stories would make things better. WELL ITS NOT. I hate crying. It makes me weak. Time for me to stand up and be me. Me. Noel. I've reborn. I'm cutting Mithya's time to rule this weak body.
It's OK. I feel stronger now. wait, I think the pain in my chest somehow dissapear.....nice..haha..
When she tried to put me down by saying all of our hard work for two years is down the drain, I said "What hard work? We didnt even get better. We're still the same person who stuck in the same fucked story. We havent change anything and we're not losing anything."
I'll do better next time. With the cutting that is. Welcome me back, bitches. Noel is here.

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