17 January 2010

I don't want to be better. She thinks I'm her weak part, but she is wrong. I'm her strongest part. I was born to save her from herself. If I'm gone, then she'll soon be gone from this world too. I don't think we can be saved. These cycles of family problems will never be stopped. The evil in the world would never be stopped. So why don't we just join them? I was born to live in a world full of hatred. I'm gonna be her "life jacket" so she wouldn't drowned.

When I decided to talk to my lecturer, I knew she couldn't help either. She told me that too. She specialized in helpin little children and teenage. All she can do is offer to talk to my mother so that we can all go to a therapist. HAhahahahahaha....I would love to laugh at her face, but she's been nice..most of the time. That bitch didn't believe I could be the best in my class. She didn't even believe I could finished my bachelor thesis. Well I proved her wrong and she still got credit for it.

I can put my game face for public and straight face inside this fucked up family. If one day I commit suicide, maybe that's because God wanted me to be. Right now I do feel fucked up, but that's OK. I can deal. I don't know how long but I don't care. No one can help me. Not even that girlfriend of mine. She can sleep through any kind of problem. Maybe thinking that when she wakes up it's all a brand new good day. She even left her in times of need and loneliness. I'm your only friend, Mithya. I stood up for you all of these years and you try to get rid of me!?? fuck you! I'll help myself. I'll help us! With my own way. So fuck the world and everyone in it.

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