sandsack my brother
I used to hit my little brother. He's nine years younger than me. There was a time when I couldn't control my anger and I just hit him anytime he got annoying. He's no cute little angel either.
We used to screamed at each other if we got in a fight. Our scream could be heard as far as 3 houses from ours. Mainly because I was trying to remind him about the house rules and he just want to fight everyone back. Everything I said, he would throw it back at me, cerebral or not. Yes, he's as fucked up as I am. The different is he's trying too hard to be a rebel.
Everytime I hit him, he never hit me back. I think he knew that he is stronger than me and hitting me back is not a good choice. Or maybe he's afraid of me. Who knows? The fucked up thing is, everytime I did it, I'd regreted it like hell. I used to feel ashame of myself too. I should've been the bigger brother. The adult.
But there was this one afternoon after he got back from school, we were caught up in a fight again. I don't remember the reason. What I remember is I hit him really hard that his head were bumped to the wall. The next thing I know, he tried to strangle me with his hands.
I was shocked. I actually couldn't breathe when he did that. Maybe he fed up being my sandsack. But I learned that my brother have the same agression tendencies like me that day, he just never showed it before. And I thought that, that was it. I don't know who and what and why but we're family and eating at each others rage is really not healthy.
Sometimes I still have the urge to just slap or pushing him around when he's acting like a little brat. I really want to make him on his nerves again. I want to know if he's still capable to attack me again. But I'm fighting that urge. I have to.
I wanna be better.
We used to screamed at each other if we got in a fight. Our scream could be heard as far as 3 houses from ours. Mainly because I was trying to remind him about the house rules and he just want to fight everyone back. Everything I said, he would throw it back at me, cerebral or not. Yes, he's as fucked up as I am. The different is he's trying too hard to be a rebel.
Everytime I hit him, he never hit me back. I think he knew that he is stronger than me and hitting me back is not a good choice. Or maybe he's afraid of me. Who knows? The fucked up thing is, everytime I did it, I'd regreted it like hell. I used to feel ashame of myself too. I should've been the bigger brother. The adult.
But there was this one afternoon after he got back from school, we were caught up in a fight again. I don't remember the reason. What I remember is I hit him really hard that his head were bumped to the wall. The next thing I know, he tried to strangle me with his hands.
I was shocked. I actually couldn't breathe when he did that. Maybe he fed up being my sandsack. But I learned that my brother have the same agression tendencies like me that day, he just never showed it before. And I thought that, that was it. I don't know who and what and why but we're family and eating at each others rage is really not healthy.
Sometimes I still have the urge to just slap or pushing him around when he's acting like a little brat. I really want to make him on his nerves again. I want to know if he's still capable to attack me again. But I'm fighting that urge. I have to.
I wanna be better.
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