God's cruel (but kind) jokes on me
OK, God makes a cruel joke on me again. It's a fact I've been emotionless for a month. Then when I can't stand it anymore, when I decided to just surrender under the merciless pain of a rusty razor, He gave me my back pain back. Ha! Funny, God!
So one beautiful evening, I was gonna have an agenda with Jude. I made a wrong position to sit up from his bed and the rest are the most annoying and embarassing situation I have face in my entire life. God! I can't stand straight in front of my best bud. Well of course he was confused of what to do, coz even though he knew about my back condition, he never really have to see me while it hurts.
I tried my best to hold the pain while watching the DVD and kept chatting casually with him. But I made a mental note that I HAVE to go home after the movie ended. He was dissapointed coz I didn't know that he was hoping I could spend another night hangin' out.
When I finally got home the pain were getting worst. Though it's better to lie down, it's still hurts like hell. Any way I positioned myself, I can't lay straight, I can't pull up my legs, I can't curled up, I can't roll over, bottom line: I can't FUCKING MOVE. I already called Mithya's mom about what happened. So she gave me her painkillers for the moment to help me ease the pain. Other than that, I have to deal it by myself. Well, duh, everyone has their own life they have deal. Squirming and saying "fuck, God" everytime I move and a pain shot through my spine. I think that was my record of saying so much curse in a couple of hours, haha..
And just like that I can feel. Sure, my back hurts like hell, but my chest felt warm. While I tried to distract myself from the pain with reading, I laughed at every fucking jokes in the stories. Like I was totally happy. It's getting ridiculous though. At least for me. Coz I know I'm not suppose to be happy.
That's when I realize that God is playing his cruel jokes on me again. He probably trying to say something like, "Fine. You want to feel? You want pain? I'll give you PAIN." Hahahahahahahahaha.......and I thank God for that. No, seriously, though I'm miserably in pain, I could FEEL, I could laugh. Yea, it's sick, and weird, and twisted, but I'm not complaining. It's a God damn blessing! Well, yes, at about 5PM yesterday it struck me that I'm one of those disabled people, but HEY! I GOT A SMILE ON MY FACE!
Sure, there were some shitty stuff happened between the full week I'm stuck at bed regarding people that I called Queen, Megatron, and Malin. But I don't want to talk about it. Not to forget the "fresh" wound that is still clearly visible inside my left hand. Geez, everytime Mithya's mom went to my room, I hurried to hid my left hand under bolster or the bed cover. THAT was NOT pleasant.
On the second day, I asked Mithya's mom to bought me MY painkillers. The one that my previous doctor already prescribed me a copy in case of emergency. And so I've been taking it for a week. It didn't instantly numb all the pain, but it helped me to move a little without searing pain.
This is the 6th day I'm in bed and I've been a total junkie =D. I think my back is getting better. I can feel the pain lessen when the drug effect wearing off in between taking them. I feel relieved of course, but I can feel that darkness starts to creep up to my chest again. I start to feel pissed off and empty again. FUCK. I have to make some kind of a deal with God. HE HAS TO FIX ME.
Sent for FriedDurian®
Powered by my brain
So one beautiful evening, I was gonna have an agenda with Jude. I made a wrong position to sit up from his bed and the rest are the most annoying and embarassing situation I have face in my entire life. God! I can't stand straight in front of my best bud. Well of course he was confused of what to do, coz even though he knew about my back condition, he never really have to see me while it hurts.
I tried my best to hold the pain while watching the DVD and kept chatting casually with him. But I made a mental note that I HAVE to go home after the movie ended. He was dissapointed coz I didn't know that he was hoping I could spend another night hangin' out.
When I finally got home the pain were getting worst. Though it's better to lie down, it's still hurts like hell. Any way I positioned myself, I can't lay straight, I can't pull up my legs, I can't curled up, I can't roll over, bottom line: I can't FUCKING MOVE. I already called Mithya's mom about what happened. So she gave me her painkillers for the moment to help me ease the pain. Other than that, I have to deal it by myself. Well, duh, everyone has their own life they have deal. Squirming and saying "fuck, God" everytime I move and a pain shot through my spine. I think that was my record of saying so much curse in a couple of hours, haha..
And just like that I can feel. Sure, my back hurts like hell, but my chest felt warm. While I tried to distract myself from the pain with reading, I laughed at every fucking jokes in the stories. Like I was totally happy. It's getting ridiculous though. At least for me. Coz I know I'm not suppose to be happy.
That's when I realize that God is playing his cruel jokes on me again. He probably trying to say something like, "Fine. You want to feel? You want pain? I'll give you PAIN." Hahahahahahahahaha.......and I thank God for that. No, seriously, though I'm miserably in pain, I could FEEL, I could laugh. Yea, it's sick, and weird, and twisted, but I'm not complaining. It's a God damn blessing! Well, yes, at about 5PM yesterday it struck me that I'm one of those disabled people, but HEY! I GOT A SMILE ON MY FACE!
Sure, there were some shitty stuff happened between the full week I'm stuck at bed regarding people that I called Queen, Megatron, and Malin. But I don't want to talk about it. Not to forget the "fresh" wound that is still clearly visible inside my left hand. Geez, everytime Mithya's mom went to my room, I hurried to hid my left hand under bolster or the bed cover. THAT was NOT pleasant.
On the second day, I asked Mithya's mom to bought me MY painkillers. The one that my previous doctor already prescribed me a copy in case of emergency. And so I've been taking it for a week. It didn't instantly numb all the pain, but it helped me to move a little without searing pain.
This is the 6th day I'm in bed and I've been a total junkie =D. I think my back is getting better. I can feel the pain lessen when the drug effect wearing off in between taking them. I feel relieved of course, but I can feel that darkness starts to creep up to my chest again. I start to feel pissed off and empty again. FUCK. I have to make some kind of a deal with God. HE HAS TO FIX ME.
Sent for FriedDurian®
Powered by my brain
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